Family Matters In The Wilderness II - "Managing Conflict"

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Managing Conflict

AGREEScience

Isaiah 1:18
Come now, and let us reason together , saith the LORD: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.

Matthew 18:19
Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask , it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven.

1 Corinthians 1:10
Now I beseech you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ , that ye all speak the same thing , and [that] there be no divisions among you ; but [that] ye be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment .

Amos 3:3
Can two walk together , except they be agreed?

See Me and Come Live with Me is NOT the same thing

We Are Encouraged To Make Peace with One Another

Matthew 5:9
Blessed [are] the peacemakers : for they shall be called the children of God.

James 3:15-18
This wisdom descendeth not from above, but [is] earthly, sensual, devilish. For where envying and strife [is], there [is] confusion and every evil work. But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, [and] easy to be entreated , full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy. And the** fruit of righteousness** is sown in peace of them that make peace.

What Is Peace?

• Freedom from disturbance, quiet and tranquility
• In terms of human beings is someone who has a sense of God in all aspect of life. It is through Christ’s work of justification that we can have peace with God Rom5:1 and that peace will keep our hearts and minds secure.
• Philippians 4:7
• Isaiah 32:17 18
• John 16:33 John 14:27
• Peace is within the fruit of the spirit, so, if we are allowing God’s spirit to rule in our lives, we will experience His peace.

What Peace making Is NOT

1. Not Avoiding
2. Not Appeasing

We all need to learn how to be peacemakers because conflict is all around us. Once we have decided to move on this country living faith experience together conflict will arise first in the home then in the community.

We must not avoid conflict we must prayerfully work through it.

Remember Country Living is not a holiday in nature rather it’s a work of Character development.

Our conflicts are essentially based around relationships.

The enemy of God is the enemy of His followers (those who obey and fear Him)

WHY SHOULD WE BE ON OUR GUARD?

The Faith I Live By - We Are Studied By The Enemy

All who are actively engaged in the cause of God, seeking to unveil the deceptions of the evil one and to present Christ before the people , will be able to join in the testimony of Paul, in which he speaks of serving the Lord with all humility of mind, with many tears and temptations. . . . {FLB 327.5}

The tempter has no power to control the will or to force the soul to sin. He may distress, but he cannot contaminate. He can cause agony, but not defilement. {FLB 327.6}

Satan cannot read our thoughts, but he can see our actions, hear our words; and from his long knowledge of the human family, he can shape his temptations to take advantage of our weak points of character. And how often do we let him into the secret of how he may obtain the victory over us. Oh, that we might control our words and actions!

Satan assailed Christ with his fiercest and most subtle temptations; but he was repulsed in every conflict . Those battles were fought in our behalf; those victories make it possible for us to conquer. Christ will give strength to all who seek it. {FLB 327.7}

Counsels on Stewardship - The Family We Belong To Denies Self

Human beings belong to one great family, the family of God . The Creator designed that they should respect and love one another, ever manifesting a pure, unselfish interest in one another's welfare. But Satan's aim has been to lead men to self first; and yielding themselves to his control, they have developed a selfishness that has filled the world with misery and st rif e, setting human beings at variance with one another. {CS 24.1}

Selfishness is the essence of depravity, and because human beings have yielded to its power, the opposite of allegiance to God is seen in the world today . Nations, families, and individuals are filled with a desire to make self a center . Man longs to rule over his fellow men. Separating himself in his egotism from God and his fellow beings, he follows his unrestrained inclinations. He acts as if the good of others depended on their subjection to his supremacy. {CS 24.2}

Selfishness has brought discord into the church, filling it with unholy ambition. . . . Selfishness destroys Christlikeness, filling man with self love. It leads to continual departure from righteousness . Christ says, "Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect." But self love is blind to the perfection which God requires. . . . {CS 24.3}

Christ came to this world to reveal the love of God. His followers are to continue the work which He began. Let us strive to help and strengthen one another. Seeking the good of others is the way in which true happiness can be found. Man does not work against his own interest by loving God and his fellow men.

NOTE TO SELF - Conflicts never solves itself. It doesn’t go away or disappear. The saying “time heals all wounds”; may not be true as far as conflict goes. The wound if not treated gets worse. (Eph 4:26,27). When we hold on to resentment, we get bitter not better. Conflict resolution has to be intentional . One must be willing to set aside emotion for reason The only way to resolve conflict is to face it.

THE 3 D Tactical Approach to Managing Any Conflict

• Defuse Emotions
• Define The Problem2
• Decide on an action towards resolution

In conflict management avoid the use of “YOU” ( You always... ) and use “I” ( I feel...)

Seven Biblical Steps

1. Make the First Move
2. Ask God for Wisdom
3. Begin with "what's my fault"
4. Listen Actively and Choose your Response - DO not Provoke
5. Speak the Truth - Manage tone of voice and attitude (It's better to be righteous that right)
6. Fix the Issue Not the Blame
7. Focus on Reconciliation and Resolution

1. Make the First Move

Matthew 5:23,24
Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.

Matthew 18:15-17
Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. But if he will not hear [thee, then] take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell [it] unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as a heathen man and a publican.

2. Ask God for Wisdom

James 1:5
If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all [men] liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.

We really need His help To find the right time, right words to use to deal with the conflict.

POINT: Be Mindful of FEAR

Why do we postpone conflict resolution?

• FEAR

Once we hear the words we need to talk , we become fearful. Gen 3:10

We are afraid of being vulnerable, rejected, misunderstood, exposed and that in the future the information gathered would be used against you. So we hide. Let‘s look at Adam

• distant
• defensive

3. Begin with "What's my Fault"

James 4:1
From whence [come] wars and fighting among you ? [come they] not hence, [even] of your lusts that war in your members ?

Note - Most of the times we are self centered. Its often I want what I want , I do what I want to do
The real source of the conflict is ME, because the peace of God is not in me.
We can disagree without being disagreeable. We can choose our response in the conflict.
I can only have a good relationship with someone when I chose to have a good relationship with them.

4. Listen Actively and Choose your Response Do Not Provoke

James 1:19
Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:

Philippians 2:4,5
Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus:

Most times, we argue over emotions (feelings), which are behind the idea/ conflict. Someone got their feelings hurt. Hurt people hurt people. Love begets love. When a person believes that they are not heard or valued and are being slighted or robbed their dignity they are usually offended

NOTE TO SELF - Active listening is the ability to focus completely on a speaker, understand their message, comprehend the information and respond thoughtfully.

5. Speak The Truth - Manage tone of voice and attitude (Its better to be righteous than right)

Ephesians 4: 15
But speaking the truth in love , may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, [even] Christ:

Galatians 4:16
Am I therefore become your enemy, because I tell you the truth?

Most if not all of us are unlikely to be happy about hearing the truth about our bad ways from another person especially our family members. But it must be spoken any way. We must ask God for tact. Note however, He will not counsel us to deceive and lie.

POINTERS

In conflict this is what is transmitted in order of emphasis
75% - Body Language
20% - Tone of Voice
5% - Words

In resolving conflict the emphasis must be in reverse order

• You are never persuasive when you are abrasive/ abusive.
• You never get your point across by being cross.
• Truth in love is received.

6 . Focus on the Issue not the Blame

God is specific about the kind of words that are out of bounds when communicating.

Colossians 3:8
But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth.

DO NOT INTENTIONALLY HURT WITH WORDS, NO INSULTS, BELITTLEING, NO THREATS AND INTIMIDATION, NO LABELING.

7. Focus on Reconciliation and Resolution

Isaiah1:18

Come now, and let us reason together, saith the LORD: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.

Whereas conflict resolution refers to the process of shaping a mutually satisfactory and hence durable agreement between the two societies, reconciliation refers to the process whereby they learn to live together in the post conflict environment.

At the end of the day I can become an agent of reconciliation, an agent of restoring relationships.

Country Living - Christian Qualities Better Gained in Retired Locations

There is not one family in a hundred who will be improved physically, mentally, or spiritually, by residing in the city. Faith, hope, love, happiness, can far better be gained in retired places, where there are fields and hills and trees.

Take your children away from the sights and sounds of the city, away from the rattle and din of streetcars and teams, and their minds will become more healthy. It will be found easier to bring home to their hearts the truth of the Word of God. - Manuscript 76, 1905. {CL 13.1}

Amen

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